BEST...WEDDING GIFT.....EVER

At midnight, D and I were still awake...trying desperately to sleep..nah, we were running our mouths like we used to do in college. We pondered outloud about an upcoming wedding of a good friend.

I jokingly suggested we get them a very ugly vase as a wedding present. He suggested we purchase them matching butt plugs (accompanied by a poem, no less). Yes, I said matching butt plugs. Of course if there is a poem to go with some butt plugs, I think that it should definitely be a Haiku.

So here is our butt plug Haiku:

On this special day
one family forms from two.
Here's butt plugs for you!

If that wasn't enough, my husband then came up with a Hallmark style poem:

On this special day, when families
become one. We know you're busy. So
many things to be done.
We don't want you to miss out on any fun
in the sack. So here's two butt plugs
to stick up your crack!

So take some time to get with your husband/wife and come up with your own Butt Plug Poetry. It strengthens a family.

**Insert catchy title here**

I still have some changes I need to make to my blog...gotta get that comment section down to the bottom of the post. But hell, I'm way to lazy to run through all that code to find it.

I'm not necessarily inspired to flow about anything. Don't get me wrong, lots of cool and interesting stuff has happened to me and those around me. I just can't seem to organize my thoughts about it to make it coherent on the page.

I am a week away from the family visiting! My mom has made a reservation for all the adults on Spirit of Washington Dinner Train. OMG, I can't wait to dive into that. We also have plans to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Here's an after thought...if you print digital pictures online, here is a place that only charges 19 cents a print (no pre-paid necessary).Winkflash. I don't know anything about there service, but I am about to place an order. So I will let you know.

Crabby bitch on line 1, hold please.

Wow, what a great birthday. I had an incredible time scrapping at my favorite store (5 hours!). My mom sent me my favorite chips from Michigan! Jays. Yummmm....

My friend, T, took a lot of time creating a very nice candle and card for me. She is so very talented and homemade gifts are my favorites. My friend, A, spent lunch time with us. It was great to sit down at a meal and just talk with her. Plus, she's the one who let me have the bike...not to mention the storage space to put it in. A is just a pure blessing. :) I really gotta come up with some cutesie nicknames for everyone...nah, it sooo much easier to use initials.

Now I bet you are wondering what is up with the title. Apparently, my wonderful birthday wasn't enough to sustain me. I turned into a crabby bitch the very next day. Just stressed about some things. And I really think that this cold was the kind that I should have just stayed in bed with. Let somebody bring me some soup and read all day. But stay at home parents aren't exactly the best at taking care of themselves.

So what about that whole sick thing? I swear I was hardly ever sick before I had C. That's gotta be something new. Now I get sick just about every time she does. How annoying. Pregnancy tears the body up...stupid repercussions for one night o fun.

Somebody out there help me out! How the hell do I get rid of the comments section at the bottom of the post? I just want to keep the Haloscan so everyone can comment. Blogger is mean and makes you sign up to post a comment.

The Arrogant Sage makes it through another year of life...news at 11!

Yikes. Hard to believe it, I am the big 29. I still feel like a snot-nosed kid. But that might be due largely to the fact that I do indeed have a snotty nose. Don't forget the stuffed up head and the throbbing brain...so much for head colds on the b-day. Hello Dayquil!

I'm up early because of the head cold. My husband and daughter are sleeping soundly in our large family bed. Brought a tear to me eye, I tell ya. I turned on the computer and checked my email to be greeted with a e-card from my sister (thanks, E!) and an email from my husband with a link to Scientific Computing and Instrumentation Online. Now I know I have a science degree and I know I am a big 'ol geek, but I had no idea what there could possibly be for me at this website. In fact, as I started to read the article I was even more confused because the writer was talking about golf. But as I read on a name jumped out at me. The late Earl Cooper is mentioned there. Hey, I know that guy from somewhere....oh yeah, that's my dad!

My father died when I was 15...just before my 16th birthday. So, obviously it's been a long time since the funeral. I still have those moments of reflection that may bring on the waterworks, but they are few and far between. But for a split second, reading that article made it seem like he was just around the corner. Like I could call him up and say hi. It caught me off guard. What's great about that is it made me truly remember the feeling of having him alive and a phone call away. It was really nice. So, I looked up something else that exists on him on the world wide web. One of these days, I will have the ability to contribute to the Earl L. Cooper Memorial Scholarship.

This birthday is going to be filled with laughter and love. I am soo damn lucky to have the husband that I have. I am blessed with the kinetic energy that is my daughter. It's great to have those moments that let you know just how much you have. On this birthday there is nothing anyone could give me that could rival the gift of knowing I truly have it all. That's right folks. I can bitch and complain all day long, but in the end I know that what I have is worth more than it's weight in gold. Friends, family, love. It's what makes the world go round.

Gee, I didn't realize how sappy this was gonna be. Time for me to grab a tissue and peruse the blogs...gotta make comments and let people know that I hear them. Cause what else could this possible be for except to make sure our voices aren't lost in the din. Thank you for taking a moment to hear mine.

2 thumbs up for quality customer service!

A big hey howdy goes out to the local Pizza Hut. I got a call this morning from the manager. He was doing a follow up on a telephone survey I did a week or so back. Apparently, I earned the Hut a score of 74 for my evaluation....oops. What can I say? The guy couldn't tell me any prices and the pizza wasn't spectacular. Although, D really loved it. But he's a pizza whore. Even bad pizza is good.
Anyway, the manager asked me specifics about my evaluation and he was really nice. At the end he offered me a 19.99 credit for my account! Woot! Hell yeah, I want some free pizza. Of course we ordered our free stuff tonight. Yummmm, hawaiian pizza. I had 3 slices! But it took us an hour to walk there and back, so I earned those points. My meal cost me 11.5 pts. Neat.

Product endorsement time...this one is only good for the ladies. If you are tired of fuckiing around with tampons and pads...try INSTEAD. This is a great product. But I lied a little. You still need pads, but I usually only use a panty liner. LOL, there's a video on their website. Watch it and have a good giggle.

Oh hey, the snack drawer...that is going over VERY well.

Who the hell is this crazy woman?

The things I will do just to add a freaking link section! I just stayed up way past my bedtime just because I wanted the whole world to know where I like to visit on the web. I actually waded through code on my blog to post it just right. I feel like Superwoman! Now I am tired as fuck.

I would like to make an annoucement. I was just sent a very important email. Since I don't like to send out forwards, I shall post the info here. May 19, 2004 is "STICK IT TO EM" Day. Please, I repeat, please do not purchase gasoline on this day. I know I can stick to that promise...I don't have a freaking car. Hah. Let's see if you all can manage to do it. /end annoucement

On with the show...I worked all day. Ugh. Sure my real job is stay at home mom (or Homemaker for short), but I do a little part time gig to pad the budget every month. The unfortunate part is that I clean apts. You know, after someone moves out somebody has to go behind them and do what they should have done in the first place. Alright people is it REALLY that hard to clean your goddamned apartment before you leave!? There are some nasty motherfuckers in the world. I would hate to see what they consider dirty. So, I had 2 apartments...yadda yadda yadda. I'm tired. Whine and cry.

Yesterday, I received a free bicycle. Yes...free. I swear it isn't stolen. Someone left it when they moved over 6 months ago. The manager (and my very good friend) thought of me when she needed to get rid of it. So now I have a bike. I couldn't resist, I just had to go out and get a bike trailer for C. She looks sooo damn cute in it too. This will really help me out in the exercise department. I already walk almost everyday. Now I can be a little more mobile. Need lots of Activity Points so I can stuff my face just a little more. Yummm food.

On that note, I should mention that I have lost 5 lbs since I started Weight Watchers (too lazy to drop in URL. See sidebar for link.) I weight in again...well, today. But I really want to get some sleep first.

It's 1 am. I have been reading other people's blogs. Fascinating...wonderful. I never knew that the mundane could be sooo, well, interesting. D (my husband) and I are very impressed with katiefleck's blog. She is a great writer. I'm pretty sure she is in my links. If not, I shall remedy it next time. She gets some brownie points for having that damned Blogrolling thingy. I just had to have one.

Temptation is a 4-letter word

And it is spelled IKEA. I can't wait. My mom, sister, and nephews are coming out here to stay for a week! Of course the first thing we are going to do when I pick them up from the airport is visit IKEA. So far, I have decided that I need some shelves and 2 overhead lights. I just don't know which ones. And you know what? Maybe it's time to get a freaking couch. Two chairs are just not cutting it anymore. Time for my furniture to coordinate...lol.

Have I really moved into that upper echelon of life? You know, that one where you can afford to buy a couch for the living room. It's crazy, I have been on the verge of poor for so long...ah, shit, I've been poor for a while. But you don't really know it when you are in it. Except for when I do the taxes...whoa! I guess it's hard to feel money poor when you are soo rich in everything else. I've got no complaints. In fact, I just got a birthday card from my mother in law. She put me in tears. Gotta love that woman. It read:

Thank you for being a good wife to my son and thanks for being a wonderful mom to my grandbaby. I know I don't have to worry about them. That means a lot to me. But I also want to tell you how much I love you for being you. I haven't forgotten how you was there for me when I thought things were so bad. I also think I couldn't have made it without you. Have a great day and "Reach for the Stars". Love ya, M

The "Reach for the Stars" is something I forgot until I just typed it out. It was a little angel I had knitted for her that had "Reach for the Stars" on it's wings. She is truly a class act.

That's enough sentimental for me. It's that (What did you call it Pez?) "falling off the roof" time for me and it's easy to set me off.

I've got a million things to do today and they all require guts of steel. I will tackle the Wal-Mart supercenter. I will get my groceries. I will not kill my family in the process.

Apparently, if everyone else was jumping off a cliff....

I would go down with them. So true...so sad. But I can't help myself. This blogging stuff is so intriquing. People tend to feel more "real" when they write stuff down. Isn't that why we keep journals? Well, this is just a really public journal...wow, we are a VERY voyueristic society. Or maybe it's just me...Are you a rubber-necker too?

Anyway, I don't feel like introducing myself. I visit enough forums that it gets pretty old quickly. So, looks like (if you are bothering to read this) that you will just have to get to know me through my horrible ramblings. What a pity.

Today I have been reading The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears. (I have no idea where all my other editing options are right now...so I can't underline the damn book name. Sorry grammar nazis of the world)

So far this book is great. I have been having a great time using lots of suggestions from it. Right now..since it is time to make the menu for the next two weeks...I am inspired to start a "snack" cabinet for my 2 year old daughter, C. Of course it will only have healthy snacks. lol...mostly healthy..gotta let the girl live a little. But maybe it will help motivate her to take her snacks as she needs them. Not so much as when Momma thinks she does.

Hmmm, what else? No much for now. I have lots more to say, but must attend the crying toddler. Apparently, nap time is not something she cares for today.
So what have we learned today? Don't worry, this essay question is open book.